9 types of people who aren’t marriage material
It’s easy to disregard your reservations when you’ve found someone who seems perfect for you on paper. But trusting your instincts in the beginning of a relationship could save you a tremendous amount of hurt down the road.
Below, relationship experts offer nine types of people who just aren’t marriage material.
1. The flake.
The two of you have so much in common and the chemistry is undeniable. You can’t wait until the next date — whenever that will be; it’s damn near impossible to get him to pencil in time for you. The last thing you need is someone who comes in and out of your life but never really commits, said Brenda Della Casa, the author of Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can’t Find (or Keep) a Prince.
“They might tell you to be patient or to ‘trust’ them, but you’re probably feeling more anxiety than butterflies,” she said. “You have an instinct for a reason and it’s OK to trust and protect yourself in relationships. Those who want to be with you will make adjustments and those who want to be with you out of convenience will fall by the wayside when you set strong boundaries in place.”
2. The too-much-too-soon type.
It’s only date number three and you’ve already been handed a set of keys to her apartment and heard her top five private school choices for your future offspring. That spidey sense you’re picking up, telling you to back away slowly from this person? Listen to it, said Amy Van Doran, a New York City-based matchmaker and founder of The Modern Love Club.
“What’s the rush here? If it’s real, you are not going anywhere. This excitement is less about you, and more about their insecurities and who they are as a person,” she said. “It’s a red flag when they are too effusive with their words and their actions before they get to know you as a person. The second you share their excitement, the whirlwind has already passed and they are onto their next romantic conquest. Time is the best indicator for who a person actually is.”
3. The selfish S.O.
A great romantic partner is generous and willing to indulge the occasional “ugh, today at work…” rant. If you get the sense that the person you’re seeing isn’t totally supportive, it’s a good idea to press pause on the relationship, said dating coach Jeffrey Platts.
“This is really about all forms of giving,” he said. “Is he generous with his compliments? Does she listen to you when you’re having a rough day? Overall, do you feel that he or she is your absolute biggest fan and cheerleader? And just as important as giving, are they able to pause and fully receive whatever you’re giving? If not, what’s the point? It takes a healthy self-esteem to openly give or receive an expression of love or support — and you need that in a partner.”
4. The critic.
You can’t seem to do or say anything right with this person. Ever. Your theory on what really happened in the “Serial” murder case? Implausible at best. Your unapologetic love for World of Warcraft? A total time-suck. The judgement is incessant — and in the long-run, who wants to be in a relationship with someone that critical?
“Initially, their stubbornness and convictions might seem attractive — it’s hot when someone knows who they are and what they want,” said Julie Nguyen, a matchmaker at The Modern Love Club in New York City. “Those qualities start to turn ugly when you realize there’s no room for what you want. These critics demand things to be done a certain way, their way. Real relationships are negotiated by compromise, empathy and the capacity to want to understand where the other person is coming from.”
5. The sidekick.
Anything and everything you propose gets the OK, from your plans for the weekend to when you’ll move in together. And time apart is virtually non-existent — you’re joined
Comments
Post a Comment
comment here